Ways to prevent and reduce holiday stress for children this season.
Thanksgiving and the Holiday Season is upon us. Family Dinners may seem like a Horror Show about to happen. Here are some strategies that may be of some benefit. You will see that all strategies may not be in your child’s age range. It’s okay. I felt a new format was needed. Enjoy.
1. For all of you going to a relative or friends house, bring your child’s favorite snack or a food they like. Feed your child as usual before leaving. From experience, my children went through a phase of needing goldfish crackers to make a holiday dinner go well. My girlfriend brought hotdogs to share to help her children through the day. Others contributors to the meal brought gluten free rolls, mac and cheese, ravioli, piroshky, egg rolls, butter free and milk free mash potatoes, apples, a special vegetable soup and salami. As you see, it was not that meal we see advertised at the store. I know families that don't even serve a turkey with the buffet/dinner. As one of my favorite reality TV mentors, Tim Gunn says, “Make it work”.
Thanksgiving is meant to be less stressful. It can be more relaxed and we as a nation are a melting pot. Your tables will reflect that melting pot. Some relatives and friends may seem annoyed. Oh well! Focus on the sharing and caring. You can always sit or move away from that relative or friend that is trying to tell you what to do or how to raise your child. My standard lines were, “Thanks, I'll think about it. Oh, I have not thought about it that way. I need some time to reflect. Oh, that has not worked for my child. Good point, I may need to revisit what you are saying”. I moved on quickly and used old standard manners of grace, “I have to go to the restroom or my child has to go. I need to help in the kitchen.” Sometimes, it was very hard not to point out this person’s faults. Here is my secret. Sometimes I blew it with my tone of voice or put my hand up and said no more. But one saying from a wise sage of mine helps me when annoyed. “One word of kindness lasts three seasons”. It almost sounds like something you might get in a fortune cookie. It could be something from the Tao also. It just sticks for me. Maybe it will stick for you.
2. Stake out a quiet spot or have a safe room at your house if hosting. A popup tent in the corner or between the wall and a bed. A backpack filled with a flash light, snack, water bottle, a favorite toy or two and a couple of books. If it is too noisy or your child needs a break have them find the hideout. Does your child like to name places? Give the hideout a name. I willingly joined in because sometimes I needed a break. As the years passed, I would sense things were too quiet and went looking to find my children. There in the hideout was a cousin, friend or relative reading or playing a game with them.
3. Take a walk or bike ride before dinner and possibly after dinner. Divide and concur as parents. Enlist that godparent, aunt, uncle, cousin, young teen or college student, a friend who doesn’t have children or an able-bodied grandparent for one child. I call this group “ Helpers.” AKA; Dividing and Conquering. The walk could be to the corner or around the yard. If it is raining have a ten-minute group dance about with umbrellas( or not). Free movement. End with a hug.
4. If you are a family who has the annual turkey trot or football. What if your child is not up to it? You may seem to feel that prickly heat of panic and stomach acid turning rearing its head. Here are some ways to incorporate your child without joining the game. Make a sign to cheer on that family. Have paper pompoms. Get the stroller or wagon out. Run back and forth or walk to get water bottles for the athletes. Who would benefit most from pushing or puling that wagon? Who benefits most from moving and carrying items? Think movement and some heavy work. Every athletic event needs a score keeper. Is your child old enough to be the score keeper or score keeper helper? How about the photographer? Stand back if you have to. Put on those ear muffs if the sound is too loud. Get in a few giggles or slow wrestles. Be silly. Kick the falling leaves scattered about.
5. Think about a having child spaces. It is great to have an area to eat that is for children in big groups. Put down brown paper, parchment paper from Costco, or Construction paper place mats and crayons/colored pencils. Encourage doodling. Nearby adults love to doodle too. Use small plates for your child. The amount of food before them may seem overwhelming. Put little bites and that favorite food on their plate. Use their travel water bottle with the flip up straw at the table to help prevent spills. If your child has to sit away from you for some reason or if you need a break, sit them by the person who thinks they are great. Again enlist the “Helpers”.
6. I like Thanksgiving because it was always comfy dress time at home. Wear comfortable clothes. It’s okay for children to put their pajamas or sweats on all day. If they need their favorite cape, let them wear it. You are building memories. As the years go by, you will remember, the “cape days”, “the all black clothes day” or “the costumes” your child may have decided would make them happy on Thanks Giving. Celebrate gratitude for the wonderful things you child is. Loving, sweet, fill in the blank;
7. Remember to schedule bathroom breaks. Set your phone to go off every so often and head to the bathroom.
8. If you are traveling to someone else’s home, it is okay to have an early exit plan and extra food in the car or at home. Some children get overwhelmed when there is plenty of movement around them and it is noisier than at home. Maybe it is a year to join the for dessert or appetizers only. Take walking breaks or Yoga Stretch breaks. Play Red Light Green Light during a break.
Stand like a Turkey. Make your feathers (Stretch arms over head and draw an arch), and end with Tukey walking; squatting and waddling. Squat and put head and hands down to eat grain, bobbing for 4-10 times. Stretch out and place feet against the wall to push out “Your Turkey Space”.
9. Throughout the day remind your child what you are grateful for and ask them what they are grateful for.
Start a family grateful book. Plain paged journal. The older child can be a scribe or everyone can draw or write what they are grateful for. It doesn’t matter what time of day you write in it. It is fun over the years to review.
My all-time favorite is, “ I am grateful for cranberry sauce, rolls, mash potatoes and big “Buffoons”. You know those things that fly around, not silly Uncle J (Meant as Balloons). Have you seen Uncle J fly? He is puffy sometimes.” Uncle J thought the puffy part was funny.
You never know what your children are listening to or what they will say. Have a wonderful holiday.
For all my clients, past clients and their families, I am grateful to know you. Keep creating your memories of joy and wonder. It is easy to get caught up in the negative part of life. Write your own stories and what you want.
xoxot
Diane Orsini-Tarkman, OTR/L
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